Happy Fathers Day Daddy.....

To my dad who has been gone now for 17 years already I want to say Happy Fathers Day and that I miss you. We may have not had the kind of relationship that many daughters and their daddys' had, but we did have a good one nonetheless. Yeah, there were a lot of rough times there as I was growing up and I have been subjected to many things that a little girl my age shouldn't have been subjected to. Life was rough sometimes, but I have to admit that there were also some good times there too. Like when you would take me for walks down Lincoln Avenue to go to Kosciuszko Park. We would stop on the way and you would buy me ice cream. We would go there on fourth of July and you would sit with me and watch the fireworks. Just you and me is all I remember. I don't know if any of my brothers or sisters went with us or not. All I remember is you and me.
And I remember how you would let me sit on your lap on the little wooden bench downstairs in the basement and let me burn trash with you in our wood burning stove. I was amazed that you could stick your whole hand in that hot stove with those flames burning so bright and not burn your hands. You taught me that the yellow and white flames were not hot at all. It was the ones closer to the base of the fire that burned. I used to love burning the Styrofoam egg cartons and watching them instantly melt. You would save them and put them aside for me for when I would be there with you. That was sweet and it made me feel like I was somehow special to you. You would give me the big long metal "poking stick" and let me push the stuff farther into the fire. We would literally sit there for hours and watch the fire burn and talk.
I also remember hanging out in "your room" downstairs in the basement. That's where you used to go to get away from mom. You had shelves on the wall way up high with all these old cigar boxes with all these little trinkets in them. I used to love going through all these boxes and looking at the old pocket watches, old spoons, little pocket books and bibles and photographs. You would tell me stories of where all these things came from. There was one particular box that I wanted and you gave it to me. It was a wooden one with a hinge on it. I still have it to this day along with the old cigar boxes you let me have. I even have the original stuff that was inside these boxes so when I want to take a trip down memory lane all I have to do is go in my hope chest and pull any one of these boxes out and I am back to being a little girl at 4 years old again.
You never really showed us kids much love, but we still knew you loved us. At least I did. Mom says it's because that's how you were brought up. For whatever reason you were the way you were, I forgive you. I know now that alcoholism is a disease and that you suffered from this disease. I didn't understand it at the time when I was a child but I do now as an adult. I just want you to know that I am now at peace with the past. I will always keep those good memories close to my heart and I will always cherish them. I really do miss you daddy and I want you to know that I am thinking of you on this Father's Day.